Dear Santa, it is I, the Fashion Grinch

You’ll probably say the Grinch would never write to Santa Claus. He hates everything related to Christmas, whether it’s laughter and hope or snow globes and stockings. But I’m gonna tell you a different story, one story in which at least one Grinch, this Fashion Grinch, relies on Santa.

My wish this Christmas has nothing (and everything) to do with me. My naughty nice-ish intention is to change the little bits of 2014 that made me cringe in one way or the other, making sure that 2015 will be more honest, real, more classy and chic.

So, dear Santa, please

  • make the graffiti beanies disappear. Their getto air works for rap videos but that’s about it. On the streets, in the middle of the day, they will never be considered cool, edgy, futuristic, much less expensive
  • let the age of the fur end, especially where fur collars are involved. They’re just pretentious accessories that neither confirm the existence of a fur coat nor deny it. On young girls they’re too much or too fake. Since they remain luxury pieces, fur items should be worn by people who have the status and money to rule the world (aristocracy)
  • make it impossibly clear for all 20 somethings that high heels and ice do not coexist in any world. Unless your ice skating skills are insane
  • draw a line between seasons. I know the climate changes have blurred it in recent years but I refuse to believe everyone has forgotten what they’re supposed to wear in summer and winter. How can you feel so warm that you’ll wear a sleeveless dress when it’s 2 degrees Celsius? Or a t-shirt and a hoodie when the rest of us is covering every inch of skin, except our eyes?
  • gather all the tanning sprays and bury them somewhere at the North Pole. They’re futile in summer, when people should take advantage of the sunshine and stupid in winter, where if you use them at full capacity, you’ll look like a coffee stain on a white paper sheet.
  • ban summer shades and sunglasses in winter. No coral, no bright green, no yellow. No Aviators when it’s freezing outside. On that note, I’m also hoping that weather will make people realize, at some point, that their health and well-being is more important than posing.
  • have a serious man-to-man talk with young males. Give them an example. No one says they should rock red and white beards from tomorrow (though many are doing just that – I’m looking at you hipsters), but they shouldn’t walk in just a suit and ballroom shoes in the middle of winter, from bus to bus. Either be a businessman with a car, driver or enough money for taxi or stop making a fool of yourself and take Santa’s advice- wear boots, serious pants, jacket, even a scarf (I know, shocker!)
  • scold hypocrite fashion bloggers who post incredible outfits, all thin and impossible to wear in winter. For those of you who admire such rebels, heroes who brave the cold weather in tight pencil skirts, lace dresses or tweed shorts WITHOUT tights, here’s a harsh truth: they don’t walk in those all day. They don’t work or meet people in that outerwear. Usually, they hop off their car, take the pictures clenching their teeth – yes, it’s that cold – then go home to change or have a second round of clothes in the car. Please, Santa, make them write a disclaimer first for all those naive readers who dream to have their courage and fabulous attitude.
  • give away hair dye in rich, natural colors for women who still wear blonde thin highlights on dark hair

photo

It looks incredibly cheap and makes no difference or statement – the tainted strands are too small! Wear instead copper, chocolate brown, black with a purple/dark blue finish, caramel, red, etc. There are so many options!

  • make hair gel a thing of the past. With the exception of the wet hair look, which can be, on rare occasions chic, this styling product has been the ENEMY of latin lovers like Cristiano Ronaldo, as well as of women who still manage their tight curls with it.

PS: Can you convince KFC to drop the X-mas Bucket business?

What about future duos like Mariah Carey and Justin Bieber – especially when it comes to Christmas songs?

mariah-bieber-xmas

{Even they hate it, right?}

Thank you so much and don’t get mad if my list gets updates :),

F.G.

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